Building Self Esteem Through the Power of Self Compassion

■ Self-Esteem: Definition and Importance 

Self-esteem is the value and respect we hold for ourselves how worthy, capable, and  lovable we believe we are, regardless of our successes or failures. It forms the

foundation  of mental health, healthy relationships, decision-making, and resilience. 

A person with healthy self-esteem accepts themselves as they are with both

strengths  and flaws. They do not measure their worth by others’ approval or

perfection, but by an  inner sense of dignity and self-respect. 

■ The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (Nathaniel Branden) 

■ According to Nathaniel Branden theory, Self-Esteem has six pillars, which  are: 

1. The Practice of Living Consciously Being aware of our thoughts, emotions, and

behaviors rather than living mechanically or in denial.

2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance, accepting all parts of ourselves even the ones

we wish were different and facing weakness, anger, or mistakes.

3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility Recognizing that we are the primary authors

of our own lives. Being responsible can lead taking ownership of one’s feelings,

choices, and behaviors rather than blaming others. 

4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness Understanding one’s feelings, needs, beliefs,

strengths, and limitations, honestly and respectfully. 

5. The Practice of Living Purposefully Having clear goals and acting in alignment

with them. 

6. The Practice of Personal Integrity Keeping our actions consistent with  our

values. In other words, aligning words, actions, and values can create inner harmony

and trust in oneself. 

■ How to Strengthen Self-Esteem 

1. Treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend. 

2. Set healthy boundaries saying 'no' is a sign of self-respect, not rudeness.

3. Acknowledge your achievements celebrate even small victories.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others your only benchmark is your own progress.

5. Change your inner dialogue notice the critical voice and respond with compassion.

6. Live with intention a directionless life drains self-esteem. 

7. Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities every failure holds wisdom. 

■ Self-Compassion and Its Relationship to Self-Esteem 

The concept of self-compassion, introduced by Kristin Neff, means treating ourselves

 kindly especially in moments of pain, failure, or inadequacy. Self-compassion is 

recognizing that imperfection is part of being human.

The Three Components of Self-Compassion: 

1. Self-Kindness – Offering warmth and understanding to yourself instead of harsh 

self-criticism. 

2. Common Humanity – Realizing that suffering and imperfection are shared human  experiences not personal flaws. 

3. Mindfulness – Being aware of painful thoughts and emotions without

exaggeration or  avoidance. 

Difference: Self-esteem is the evaluation of one’s worth, while self-compassion is an  attitude of kindness toward oneself regardless of evaluation. Self-compassion builds

a  stable foundation for healthy self-esteem one that doesn’t rely on success,

appearance,  or external approval. 

■ Daily Practices to Build Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion 

1. Self-Gratitude Journal – Each day, write three things you appreciate about yourself.

2. Positive Affirmations – Repeat sentences like: 'I am worthy even when I am

imperfect'.

3. Mirror Exercise – Look at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds, smile, and 

acknowledge your presence with kindness. 

4. Self-Compassion Meditation – Close your eyes and silently repeat: 'May I be peaceful.  May I take care of myself. May I know that I am enough.' 

■ Why Self-Esteem Is So Important in Life 

Self-esteem is one of the fundamental pillars of mental health. When a person sees  themselves as worthy and valuable, they become more resilient against anxiety, 

depression, shame, and guilt. When we believe we deserve love, respect, and

happiness,  we naturally make choices that align with those beliefs.

In other words, self-esteem  functions like the immune system of the mind it protects

us from emotional wounds. High Self-Esteem can lead the followings: 

1. Better Decision-Making and Healthier Choices 

When we have self-esteem, our choices come from our values, not from fear or a

desire  for approval. A person with high self-esteem says: 'I matter, so I have the

right to make  choices that are healthy and right for me.' This inner belief creates a

sense of confidence  and autonomy, leading to more satisfaction and control over

one’s life. 

2. Healthier Relationships 

In relationships, self-esteem acts as a strong backbone. Someone with self-respect:

knows and maintains their boundaries, doesn’t tolerate disrespect, and values love

and  kindness in a balanced way. When we truly love and respect ourselves, we

attract  relationships that reflect that same respect. Low self-esteem, on the other

hand, can lead  to dependency, people-pleasing, or emotional pain in relationships.

3. Greater Resilience in Difficult Times 

People with high self-esteem don’t collapse when they fail or face challenges.

Instead of  saying, 'I failed, so I’m worthless,' they think, 'I made a mistake, but I’m

still worthy and I  can learn from this.' This mindset creates inner strength and helps

us keep growing even  in the face of hardship. 

4. Personal Growth and Fulfillment 

Healthy self-esteem allows us to live as our authentic selves. When we’re not afraid

of  judgment, we become more creative, confident, and open to new experiences.

People with  self-respect are more likely to take risks, follow their dreams, and

believe in their potential even when the path is uncertain. 

5. A Direct Impact on Life Quality 

High self-esteem does not mean arrogance or narcissism it means self-respect

without  comparison. When we are at peace with ourselves: we judge ourselves

less harshly, we  feel less unnecessary guilt or shame, and we enjoy the present

moment more deeply. Such people naturally extend kindness and compassion to

others because they don’t  operate from a place of inner emptiness or insecurity. 

■ In Summary 

Self-esteem is the belief in our inherent worth as human beings. When this belief

takes root, our entire life transforms we experience inner peace, purpose,

confidence, and  deeper human connections. Ultimately, high self-esteem means

living from a place of value, not from a place of fear. 

If you’re interested in exploring self-esteem and self-compassion more deeply,

Maryam Omidbeygi, RCC, offers a safe and grounded therapeutic space to support your journey.

Maryam believes healing begins with understanding ourselves with kindness.

Meet Your Inner Child: Healing through Recognition and Understanding

We understand that the relationship with primary caregivers significantly influences adult relationships, forming the basis of attachment theory. In the first eighteen months of life, various attachment styles develop:

1. Secure: The relationship is secure, stable, and positive. In adults, secure attachments look like individuals who are comfortable with emotional intimacy, can trust their partners, and effectively communicate their needs and feelings. They are generally self-assured in relationships, able to provide and receive support without fear of abandonment.

2. Anxious: Mismatch between child's needs and parental attention, leading to difficulty in soothing and feeling safe. Adults with anxious attachment may crave closeness, fear rejection, and often seek reassurance from their partners. They may experience heightened anxiety about the stability of their relationships and may sometimes engage in behaviors to test their partner's commitment.

3. Avoidant: Parents are disconnected, and children can't rely on them for meeting needs. Adults with avoidant attachment tend to value independence and may struggle with emotional intimacy. They may be uncomfortable with closeness and may subconsciously create emotional distance in relationships, often preferring self-reliance.

4. Disorganized: Lack of predictability in the child's response to caregivers, often associated with childhood trauma and neglect. Adults with disorganized attachment may exhibit erratic patterns in relationships, experiencing difficulty in forming a coherent sense of self within a partnership. This attachment style may lead to challenges in managing stress and navigating emotions within relationships.

Understanding Inner Child Wounds: 

A sentence here connecting the above attachment with inner child wounds

Understanding these attachment styles can offer profound insights into how our inner child wounds, stemming from early experiences with primary caregivers, continue to influence our adult relationships and emotional responses.

Inner child wounds stem from unmet emotional, physical, and spiritual needs in childhood. These needs manifest in our present selves through subconscious expressions.  A sentence here connecting  how these archetypes develop as a coping mechanism to create safety/have needs met. However, this does not help as an adult      

As coping mechanisms, attachment archetypes develop during childhood to create a sense of safety and fulfill unmet needs. However, these strategies, formed in response to early experiences, may prove ineffective in adulthood, hindering our ability to establish healthy relationships and navigate life's challenges.

The 7 Inner Child Archetypes:

1. The Caretaker: Derives identity and self-worth from neglecting personal needs, believing love comes from catering to others.     In childhood, they may have experienced a lack of attention and affirmation, leading them to believe that self-sacrifice is the path to affection.

2. The Overachiever: Seeks validation through success and achievement, coping with low self-worth by relying on external recognition. In childhood, they experienced. In childhood they might have experienced conditional love, driving them to believe that their value is contingent on constant accomplishments.

3. The Underachiever: Fears criticism and shame, remains beneath their potential to avoid failure, thinking invisibility is the key to love. In childhood, they experienced ..In childhood they might have faced harsh judgment, leading them to believe that being unseen is a protective strategy.

4. The Secure/Protector: Tries to heal vulnerability by rescuing others, gaining love and self-worth through a position of power. In childhood, they experienced .. In childhood, they may have experienced a lack of protection, leading them to adopt a role of strength to shield themselves and others.

5. The Life of the Party: Presents a cheerful facade to mask emotional pain, believing that ensuring everyone around them is happy is the only way to feel okay. In childhood, they experienced .. In childhood, they might have faced challenges in expressing their true emotions, leading them to believe that constant joy is a shield against vulnerability.

6. The Yes-Person: Sacrifices personal needs for others, molded by childhood patterns of self-sacrifice and deep codependency. In childhood, they experienced ..In childhood, they may have experienced conditional love, fostering a belief that meeting others' needs is the only way to receive love.

7. The Hero Worshiper: Seeks a person or guru to follow, stemming from a wound caused by a perceived superhuman caretaker, rejecting personal needs to emulate others. In childhood, they experienced .. In childhood, they might have experienced a lack of autonomy, leading them to seek safety and identity through others.

Meeting Your Inner Child:

1. Accept the presence of your inner child in your adult life, even if you can't recall much of your childhood.

2. Acknowledge that your inner child is wounded. Avoid downplaying your experiences by recognizing that the child's perspective differs from your current adult viewpoint.

3. Embrace acceptance of your inner child wound to alleviate shame surrounding disappointment and the inability to change.

4. Understand that your inner child is not your essence; it is a part of you that requires exploration to understand its communication.

5. Reflect and witness your inner child, writing a letter to identify which of the 7 inner child archetypes dominate the situation.

Summary of all: Practicing self-witnessing and recognizing recurring narratives is crucial for adults. The goal of inner child work is to liberate the childlike part, fostering wonder and connecting it to the inner wisdom of our authentic selves.

By acknowledging and understanding your inner child, you embark on a journey towards healing and self-discovery.